About people-pleasers and how to stop being one

I’ve been talking to a friend about what it really means to be happy. We are quite similar and we are facing the same issues when it comes to feeling happy and fulfilled on a daily basis. We’ve realized that we’re both making the same mistake, which is caring too much – about others, about what people think of us. This leads us to putting other people first instead of ourselves. We will always be the girls who’ll try to make everyone happy, always thinking about how the other person will feel if we disagree or refuse. This drives us to compromise at almost every step in order to not upset the other person (which would make us feel guilty). However, here’s the catch: making other people happy does not make us happy. And putting them first makes us frustrated. So why do we keep doing it? Continue reading

Happy New Year!!! – Wishes for the 2016

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Okay, so… I really didn’t want to do this, because I find New Year’s resolutions to be kind of cliche. But, you know, I do have some wishes for the new year, as I’m sure everybody does, and I also love lists, so might as well combine the two and call them hopes, dreams or wishes – although great in theory, I think resolutions are too strict and that’s why people are inclined to break them. So I hope these things will happen in 2016 and I will do what I can to make them happen. But, although there is hope and good intentions, there is no certainty because none of us can control every little thing in our lives or the lives of others – believe me, as a control freak, it is very hard for me to admit these things! 🙂

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The importance of being well-dressed

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“I have nothing to wear!” – I think every woman in the history of the world has said this at least once in her life. From Eve, who had literally nothing to wear, to the modern woman, who has a closet full of clothes but “nothing to wear”. I think the above quote is exactly on point. It’s not like we don’t have any clothes to wear, it’s just that we can’t find anything in our closet for our particular needs of the day (needs as in the way we are feeling,  a certain occasion or event or even our current self-image – if we feel too fat or too skinny, like we have no boobs or too much butt).

A great outfit can make you feel like you can take on the world. It can make you feel empowered and confident. It can make you feel optimistic and put a smile on your face. It can make you feel the most beautiful woman in the world. That’s why it’s important to feel like you’ve chosen the perfect outfit. When you can’t find anything to wear this can bring you down in the same way that a perfect outfit can lift up your spirit. It can make you feel powerless and feel like just another face in the crowd.

If left to its own devices, this seemingly tiny and insignificant problem can lead to, in my opinion, two bigger ones: 1. on the financial side – if you feel like nothing fits anymore or feel like none of your clothes represent you anymore, you’ll feel the need to replace your wardrobe – which can take a huge toll on your budget and finances or even make you become a shopaholic – because let’s face it, shopping is great!; or 2. on the psychological side – if you can’t find anything in your wardrobe to fit you perfectly, to make you feel pretty or make you think that you look good, this might lead you to believe that the problem is you – because you’ve chosen to buy those clothes so it is clear that you liked them and thought they were pretty, therefore it’s clearly not the clothes’ fault, you’re at fault, omg when did you get so fat, you’re never gonna look good again, you should just stay in today! (I think it’s pretty clear I’m not speaking from experience here *wink wink* *sarcasm*).

But all kidding aside, I had this issue this morning and it totally threw my game off. I changed three outfits until I found something that didn’t make me think I look ridiculous and hurried out the door because I was already late. But I’ve been thinking about this all day: maybe i should change my wardrobe, maybe I’m just bigger now and none of my old clothes fit me anymore, maybe I just don’t have style at all, maybe maybe maybe. Then I got to thinking that clothes are, besides from the obvious (not leaving home naked and keeping you warm), a way to express yourself and your personality and should make you feel good, not self-conscious. So I came to two conclusions:

  1. I should change my way of thinking – I think I can be very self-destructive sometimes and in the long run this affects both myself and the people around me. I am a sociable person and I enjoy company and no one’s gonna want to hang out with me if I’m such a downer. If I don’t like something about myself I can either change it or, if not, deal with it and stop complaining.
  2. I should, in fact, change my wardrobe – I know what I said above, but I really think it’s time. I’ve been having this “I don’t have anything to wear” issue for quite some time now and I don’t think the problem is just my way of thinking. It IS time. (This is gonna be especially hard because I’m such.a.hoarder.!).

Finally, I will end this post with a small tip for anyone who is facing the same problem as I am or who needs to buy new clothes – I know that considering the above, I’m not the best person to give advice, but bear in mind that this is advice that I myself try to follow: always invest in simple, timeless pieces as the base for your wardrobe. They will never go out of style, they will never look odd and they will always make you feel good.

Andreea.